Senior..Almost.

I finished my last class today as a junior at Penn State. Hello, Senior-hood. I should be waiting until my finals to say this, but since I'm confident (no jynxing allowed) it's pretty much official. I can't believe this year is over. It's such a good feeling to know I'm going to be a senior. It's scary but so exciting to know that I'll be looking for a job at this exact time next year. I'll be a GROWN UP!!!
Next step...Attempting to take organic chemistry. I wanna make the BIG bucks being a nurse anesthetist...Following in the footsteps of my daddy :)

LOST changed my life.

Seriously, I just got done watching the 100th episode. 100 episodes in 5 months. I'm freaking amazing.
I'm in LOVE with LOST. One of my favorite characters just died and I'm scarred for life. But at the same time, I'm SO excited for more...I don't know what I'm going to do 2 weeks from now, when the show will be over for the season. It will be terrible.

Am I crazy? Possibly.

So...I was thinking today that there's a possibility I'll be extremely bored from May 1st-30th, and I'm totally anxious to move into the city. The girls I'm living with are constantly telling me that I'm more than welcome to move in earlier (I'm assuming it's due to rent since it's extremely expensive on them, not the excitement of me coming, ha). But anyway. I'm thinking either May 16th or May 23rd as a potential move in date. Am I crazy? Possibly because of the expense/I'm not starting my job until June 8th. But I just feel like there's much more to do there and I can make some friends before my job starts and I'll be able to get situated and settled fully.

I just needed to get that out there...I honestly CANNOT wait. And 3 months in the City is an experience I will LOVE.

Puppy Love.

Last night, I watched the movie Marley & Me by myself.
This may have been the worst idea I have ever come up with.
Just a quick synopsis: The movie is about the life of a dog and its' owners. The family grows, and so does the dog.
This weekend, I spent lots of Q.T. with my dog, Buster. He's a 17 year old Lhasa Apso. He's blind, deaf, and has arthritis. It breaks my heart everytime to have to carry him up and down the stairs so he can go outside.

This is my most recent picture of Buster, taken April 2009.

Like the movie, Buster was on clearance when I picked him out because he was a sick puppy. I was 4. My dad told me, "You can either pick this dog here, or we can go to the SPCA and adopt an abandoned dog." I obviously picked Buster because he was the cutest dog I'd ever seen and I fell in love with him. He was very sick, but he ended up living. He's been through so much. He helped me grow up while I watched him grow old. He was my best friend when my parents would fight during my childhood and eventually got a divorce. He always knew what was going on with my family, because he was a part of it. I think he's seen more than any dog has seen, and he's still seeing (although not literally). He's lived quite the life; well past his lifespan of 12-15 years. Buster still has his crazy side; He loves to play with the younger dogs when he has the energy. But really, he's the only being that's seen almost my entire life thus far and put up with every bit of it. I have unconditional love for my puppy.
After that movie, I cried for about 15 minutes, to the point where my roommates walked out to check on me and make sure I was ok. When they came in, I obviously started bawling. My roommate basically asked me WHY I watched that movie considering my weekend. Well, worst idea ever.

End of story. HA

P.S. I love the name Everleigh

City Girl.

I just have to express my excitement/nervousness for moving to New York for the summer. Not only will I be living with girls I don't know (but they seem wonderful), I'll have my first full time job and be living basically on my own. It dawned on me two days ago that I will need to use a laundromat for the first time...In Manhattan. HA the things that give me anxiety are hilarious. I really can't wait, and I can't believe it's coming so soon. 33 days until I move in. Unbelievable. I'll be working only 3 days a week (12 1/2 hour days, blah), so that means 4 days a week of downtime for me to explore. I'm not going to be a tourist anymore!

Oh, and weird story. One fact beforehand: There are 1.6 million people living in Manhattan. Now...
My sister's best friend has an older brother who is a year older than me. We went to middle school and highschool together, and happened to go to Penn State together as well. We've always been in the same "group" of friends, but we're not extremely close. Anyway, after he graduated in the Winter, he moved to Manhattan. We haven't talked since. I picked a place on West 44th Street in Hell's Kitchen. Come to find out through a friend, Ryan lives on West 44th street as well. I ask him where he lives. He lives in the building next to mine, and on the fourth floor like I do. What are the ODDS?! We live in a small town in Upstate New York with a small amount of people. I am just in disbelief. It's pretty cool though, at least I know I have a friend there that can show me around (possibly help me move in? I'm crossing my fingers!)

Forever

I forgot to add in the last blog that I had a wonderful weekend, despite being sick for 66% of it. I got to spend a whole 48 hours with my best friend Nichole. We haven't actually done that since junior year of high school. I love her. I'll post pictures when she adds them. She's a doll and we had so much fun. I think I love her a lot because we're so different. She dragged me around a make up store for a half hour; She's the only person I'd ever let do that. I am NOT a make up girl. But for anyone that is, Ulta is a pretty cool store. It's pretty much like Sephora. I don't know why I'm talking about make-up stores right now. It's late and I'm making no sense.

Left Behind.

To make a long story short, I lived in a beautiful house on top of a hill overlooking Horseheads from 7th grade until I graduated high school. My adolescent years were spent growing up there. I drove for the first time when I was 16 up the windy roads to my house. I walked up that hill with all my friends in 9th grade because we were crazy enough to try. My parents then got a divorce, and I've been house hopping since. I was driving up Prospect Hill again tonight, because my mom bought a house up the road from my old, gorgeous house. I drove by and felt like such a grown up. I remember the crazy nights I had on this road when I was younger, and the ridiculous parties I threw because I thought I was a cool teenager. It's so surreal to think that it was almost 10 years ago that I started my "growing up journey" in that house.




Since then, we've downgraded. I no longer even have a bedroom at my mom's...Haha, oh well.

so yesterday.

Yesterday I sounded like a complete brat and I'm kind of sad for it.
I'm home now, and just got finished having a mommy& me night. We watched Mamma Mia and had a nice little dinner.

I just wanted to share this quote I found one one of my cute friend's facebook profiles (I'm a stalker, watch out)....

"to see a world in a grain of sand,
and a heaven in a wildflower,
hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
and eternity in an hour"
william.blake

I just think it's kind of beautiful. The world is beautiful. I have to remember that sometimes, especially on days like yesterday.

Done.

I just want to be done with this semester.

End of Story.

Weightless as I Close My Eyes.

The Ceilings Open Into Skies.

Ben Folds - "Cologne"

4,3,2,1...I'm letting you go.
I will let go ,
If you will let go.


and yes..That is me.

It's just one of those days.

It's just a blah, I feel like doing nothing kind of day. I don't know what's up. I'm trying to read some Ann Coulter to keep me entertained, but nah, it's not working. Now it's pouring rain. Just captures the mood.
Am I really trying to pretend like "Dead and Gone" by T.I and JT is like my life? Why yes, yes I am right now.

Do you ever feel like you're losing a friend? It's the worst feeling in the world. Slowly you stop talking as much. The person that you think is reliable just stops being there all the time. It kind of hurts. That could be partly why I have this feeling.

But alas, I get to see Nichole, my best friend since 2nd grade this weekend. We're going to have a sleepover like old times and go in the hot tub (also like old times). We used to have the most rocking sleepovers. Always in her basement, we'd take millions of blankets, couch cushions, whatever we could find, and just swim in them. We'd watch the scariest movies, drink soda and eat pizza. We'd talk about our 6th grade "boyfriends" and she'd let me cry to her about my parents' situation. We would literally play Pokemon until 3 in the morning. We'd play the "closet game". We beat the game within 10 minutes of eachother. And our hot tub moments: Daring eachother to do somersaults in the snow, running around the outside of my house in our bathing suits in the middle of winter, making "New Year's Goals" that we must have accomplished by January 13th. Inviting boys over nervously.

We Went on the Cutest vacations.

I really miss her so much. It's true, college does distance people. But I will never forget when we were in her pool, and her Mom stopped us amidst our swimming competitions saying "Did you know you two will be friends forever? It doesn't matter what happens or where you go, you two will always have eachother no matter what. That's special." I feel like crying thinking about that moment. Oh, the joys of being an overly emotional girl.

Aw to be in 10th grade again.

I love my Best Friend Forev.

Live High

No, this title does not refer to 4/20. HA.

It actually refers to Jason Mraz's song, "Live High".
It's such an uplifting song; I love it.

Other than that, I'm sitting in Panera on this rainy day in front of the fireplace. It's lovely for a day like this. My roommate is being productive next to me; I'm writing a blog and watching "Arrested Development" on Hulu. This is an awesome site; It's legal and they have all sorts of tv shows that you can watch. High quality, too.

Also, on the topic from yesterday, a girl wrote somewhere...That it is a perfect example of the hypocrisy of liberals. They advocate free speech with every ounce in them, but when someone says something contradictory to their beliefs, they bash them to no extent. It saddened me that this poor girl was all over the news today. Anyway, that's enough talking about that subject. I just love to rant. I apologize to those who don't agree, but I'm very opinionated and I'll make sure everyone knows what I believe. I'm very stubborn. Oops.

Cookies & Miss USA

I just spent two hours of my life watching Miss USA while eating cookies. Simply because hese girls are beautiful and comfort food was totally necessary while watching.
During the overwhelming Judge's Question Segment, Miss California got asked the question from the notorious celebrity gossip blogger (and gay) Perez Hilton. I found his question appalling for a pageant. His question asked if she thought that all other states should follow suit in legalizing same sex marriages. This girl's answer started out a little bit rocky. I would be totally thrown off by an ethical question. The answer is based on her personal beliefs, family beliefs, religious beliefs. That's like asking, "What do you think the correct religion is and why?". I was so proud of her for her answer. At the end, she said something to the like of, "In my family, and growing up, I was raised to believe that marriage is something to be between a man and a woman only. That's what I believe, no offense to anyone." Perez Hilton's face was in the corner, and it dropped. I could see his brain brewing up a story on Miss California. She ended up winning 2nd Place and I was so proud of her for answering a hard question with such honesty. It's a controversial topic. If your life dream was on the line, would you be totally truthful or avoid answering that question?

Lucky

I'm an extremely lucky girl right now. I feel so blessed that I had one interview for an internship at a prestigious hospital in New York City, and got offered the job. A lot of my friends have gone on 5 interviews or more before finding a hospital to accept them. One of my great friends who is in PR has been on 7 or more interviews for unpaid internships. I'm not bragging in any way, shape or form. But I really am grateful for this opportunity I have been given. Thanks to the many who have prayed for me during this time in my life.

"Lucky" - Jason Mraz, Colbie Callait
Although this is completely irrelevant to my life situation, the title is and I love this song. If only I had a boy to complete this lovely life I'm living!

Fast Food Frenzy

I'm going to be completely honest. I am a self-proclaimed fast food junkie. Don't let my tiny self fool you, because I can eat like it's nobody's business. Nothing satisfies me more than a double cheeseburger and medium fries from McDonald's. I crave Baja steak Chalupas at least once a day from Taco Bell. I'm in love with going out to restaurants. Lately, my fast food addiction has gotten really bad. It may be because I'm a college student and my kitchen is lacking, but every day/night I have to restrain myself from driving the .3 miles to the nearest fast food area and divulging in the greasy foods that await for me. Most of the time, the restraining doesn't work.
America wants us to be fat. Everyday, I'm bombarded with food advertisements. The great values, the beautiful pictures of food flashed across my television screen, and the words "delicious" scream to me, "you know you want it Amy!!!". I wish I was like my roommate Beth. She hates fast food and is repulsed by the idea. People like me with no self control are like zombies to these ads. It kills me!!!
End rant. Ha.

Look how they shine for you.

Many of you may have heard about the youtube video, "An Apostle's Easter Thoughts on Christ". It is truly beautiful and touching; it's message universal to all Christians.
I am incredibly hurt right now. I was so excited to show this video to my dad. He is a devout Catholic, and was very against me joining the church. However, 3 1/2 years have passed and he's gotten used to my "freedom of religion" as he calls it. I told my Institute class how excited I was that I got up the nerve to share it to him. I haven't talked about the church with him since the beginning, because it's still something bitter between us. I sent him a simple message with the video, along with my testimony on how wonderful it made me feel. He sent this back to me:

"I guess the video was nice, however, I was definitely not as touched by it as you. The "message" has been the core faith of christianity for over 2,009 years!! It is interesting the LDS church needed to put their stamp on it, like a politically paid advertisement. The Passion of Christ is repeatedly described in the Bible, with no need for a "roll of credits" after the story is told. Indeed, the message is universal for all christians, so why not keep it anonymous? It appears the LDS church is using the emotion of Our Saviour's death & resurrection to promote its' religion, and worldwide influence. I am unaware of any such egregious efforts by traditional religious organizations. Furthermore, the story of Christ's Passion is infinitely more comprehensive, respectful, and professionally presented by Mel Gibson's The Passion of Christ. I assure you the username "MomonMessages" did not throw me off, but rather made their agenda incredibly obvious (i.e. spread the Mormon Message, and convert as many people as possibe). Once again, I am not impressed by this wannabe religion, but I respect your choice. God bless us all...whatever religion we choose to follow!! I love you!!

Dad xoxoxx..."

As soon as I read this, I'm not going to lie, I cried. He didn't focus on the pure and beautiful message of the Savior. He focused on the credits, as if the LDS church were bombarding him/attacking him with propaganda. It reminded me of how hard this is, and of how I'm in this for the long haul. It will truly be a sad day when I tell my dad I will be married in the temple, I know this. What's even more sad is that he's not willing to understand why. He puts up a blockade. He doesn't see the true happiness that comes from me being a member of the Church. In a way, I want so badly to have a family that's in the Church and understands me. But, the Church is my family, and I am lucky to have all of you. These are the cards I have been dealt with, and I am grateful for them.
A girl I know posted this quote (she is Christian)...."you were given this life because you were strong enough to live it." Heavenly Father will never give us a trial we cannot handle. Sometimes it's so hard, but I need to keep my head up.

mullets & parrots.

"When you cross the street,
Take my hand."
-John Lennon, "Beautiful Boy"

Thought I'd leave you with a pretty cute quote. I'm currently starting to read "Beautiful Boy" by David Sheff. It's about his son's struggles with addictions, and since I myself am addicted to Intervention, the TV show on A&E, I figured I'd give it a try. Every Monday night you'll catch me on the couch from 8-10pm watching Intervention. I laugh, I cry. I clap with joy as the "recovery" song comes on at the end and it is stated that they have been sober since (insert date). It's kind of beautiful. I'm obsessed with Candy Finnigan and Kenn, the interventionists.

Another thought...Today I took care of a man who was 49, rocked a mullet, was a computer consultant, and rescued "abused" parrots for a living. He has 9 of them just chilling in his living room, talking up a storm. He also has a fiancee of 9 years. They sleep in separate twin beds like in the '50's. This man made me laugh. Very interesting, these Pennsylvanians. I'll give that to them.

Hell's Kitchen

I will actually be a midtown west girl. I'm going to be living in the heart of Hell's Kitchen, within walking distance of Times Square!!! I find this very exciting.
I was actually just in the city for the night visiting my family/grandma. It was a lovely surprise to see Taz the puppy! Other than that, this weekend was kind of a headache. Madden family holidays are always headaches. So much drama and so much food.
I'm tired but. Anyway.


Currently in my head nonstop:
"My Sunken Treasure" - Duke Spirit.

"Warning Sign" - Coldplay.

Oh, she's just being.....

Miley.
I'm having a
"Nobody's Perfect" by Miley Cyrus kind of day.

Uptown Girl!!!

Countdown Clocks, Flowers Countdowns at WishAFriend.com


Have you guessed it yet? By some sort of miracle, I got the internship at Lenox Hill Hospital this summer!! I thought this woman hated me, and I don't even have a high GPA. I will be working on the upper east side, and I'm currently making it a full time job to look for apartments under $1,000 a month. Ah I can't wait! I basically fell in love with the Manhattan single's ward (8th all the way) and I cannot wait to have a blast in the city this summer. I work three days a week...$18 an hour. However, shifts are from 8am-8:30pm. Those will be some long days. But ah...I'm a very happy girl right now!!

This is the life...

Not.
I'm so sick, ayayyay. My birthday basically sucked because of it. Cold, runny nose, sore throat, yuck.
I took care of a man today with Cerebral Palsy. I babysit a 13 year old girl at home with CP as well, and it seriously gave me so much hope for her in the future. This 40-ish year old man had a family. He lived on his own. And he had the STRONGEST arms I'd ever seen. The man can move himself around. He was so sweet. Ha and he told me to not have children, especially girls. I don't think I'll listen to his advice :)
But guys...People with cerebral palsy, most of them are NOT mentally handicapped. So don't treat them like that. I would take the girl I babysit to the park, and people would direct questions that they wanted to ask her to me. They can speak for themselves!
This is how the conversation would go:
Uneducated Lady (to me): Does she like dogs, or is she scared of them?
Me: You're asking the wrong person.
They are smart, they are funny, and they are some of the most amazing people you'll ever meet.

Anyway, I'm sitting in my living room filled with balloons and streamers. My roommates are so cute, I love them.

creeper

We're all addicted to our own tragedies.

Don't you find it odd that as soon as something tragic/sad happens, people subconsciously long to be connected to the situation?
I don't know...This is a weird entry. But I was just thinking about that.

Also..Happy Birthday To ME!

my mom...no, your mom

This is her birthday card message...I thought I would share it because I don't think she's ever almost made me cry from writing something cute/hilarious. Only my mom can be cute/hilarious at the same time.

"To my first baby girl,
I was telling everyone in the car to Buffalo how you were 10 days late & you had to have an x-ray of your shoulder when you came out because you were stuck. That's because you loved being with me, right? I love you and never think I don't.
Love Always, Mom"

Love ya Mom.

sunshine.

I'm sitting here in the living room at my mom's. In my towel, because obviously I'm too lazy to change into clothes. I've been sleeping in until at least 12:30pm for the past three days. I feel like that's my birthday present; I love to sleep. It's my birthday weekend, I turn 21 tonight at midnight. I can't believe that I'm in my 20's. Life goes by so fast. I remember when I was little and I thought people in their 20's were ancient. Oh, how things change!
It's been nice spending time with my family, but I feel like I'm growing up. I never thought I'd see the day when I actually didn't want to live with them for the summer, but now that's all I want to do. But then I think about how this summer is it. Next summer, I'll be moving to my future place of settling down (and I have not a clue where that may be....Suggestions anyone?) and it's not going to be here. When I told my dad that, I think his face dropped. I think that he didn't realize this time would come so soon, I'm going to be a grown up in a year. I guess I didn't realize that either, it just happens.
Craziness.
Anyway, I'm happy to be here. I'm happy to be where I am in my life, even though a lot of the time I complain. Like I said in Manhattan at church last Sunday, "Andddd..I'm happy now!" and everyone laughed. HA : ) But seriously.