One Hard Decision.

It's official.

I'm leaving Sunday for the East Coast, indefinitely.  

It was such a battle to even make this decision.  I think I went back and forth about it a million times...

This might be the most difficult decision I have ever made. 

But I need to go home because I need to figure out where to go from here.  I need family, I need support, I need to find peace.

I cried while I was booking my plane ticket.  I'm crying as I type this.

My heart wants to stay here so bad...I've grown so much to love my roommates, and I thought I was going to spend a few years here....

I had big plans.  I was exactly where I wanted to be.

I thought I had my whole freaking life planned out here and now it's a huge question mark.

Life happens, I guess.  But wow, it is hard.

Call it a quarter-life crisis.... In this case pre-quarter life, since I'm 24.  

(I don't even like saying quarter-life because that means I'll live til I'm 100 and I don't want that, no thank you).

"And I struggle to get myself up again...." - My forever-beloved Something Corporate

I usually try not to be sad on this blog, but today is a sad day.

New York, family that I love, I'll be seeing you soon.

Concerts and Memorial Day.

First off, Happy Memorial Day.  

Did you know that Memorial Day is a day specifically for those lost in war?  Because I think the majority don't...Some think it's for each human being or family member dying, which you know what, it's nice to remember everyone lost so I'll let that one slide.  Some people think it's for veterans (that has it's own holiday, duh)...But to those who put down people on facebook for giving a shout out to the veterans:  Those men and women watched firsthand their fellow military members for whom this holiday is for.  So cheers to them as well.

So maybe we should just combine Veteran's Day and Memorial Day altogether and just make it less confusing for everyone involved.  I would start a petition, but I'm too lazy.  

And hello, Wikipedia exists so we can all learn about Memorial Day, Veteran's Day, Dinosaurs, Supraventricular Tachycardia and not to mention the nationality of the band "Of Monsters and Men"....Shout out to Wikipedia.  

Don't you love my rants?

Okay, so that was a really positive start.  

Speaking of 'Of Monsters and Men'....I went to their concert last night with my roommates Cassie and Megan.  You probably don't know who 'Of Monsters and Men' are...But then you'll listen to this song and remember hearing it on the radio.

This band is from Iceland (I learned this on Wikipedia) so they have cute accents.  For some reason, I was assuming a dynamic duo. No..This band is a 7-piece circus.  I'm not even joking.... The pianist played the accordion, the trumpet, then the other pianist played the bongo, then the drummer ran and switched places to play the guitar and tambourine...It was like a three ring circus.  It was pretty awesome though, I'll admit.  Impressive and exhausting-looking is probably a better explanation.

However, going to two concerts in three days (not to mention following my favorite band of all time) was quite disappointing....The Venue was packed, we ended up on the balcony, and the tallest people were standing in front of us.  Definitely not the intimate experience I had with the loves of my life, The Civil Wars.  

This is me and Megan trying to watch the show crouched down peering through the balcony railings.  I was taking pictures in between this guys legs, trying to be very discreet about it.  Megan is probably 5'1 (sorry if I'm wrong), and I'm 5'2 and 3/4.  Yep, I added the 3/4.  

Catch ya on the flip side.

The Civil Wars (still recovering).

Last night....Okay HI one of the best nights of my entire life.  I am still in awe.

As if you haven't heard about them from me oh, about a million times.

First, I took the best date ever.  Megan and I are concert (and reading, and music, just not politics) soul mates.  We used the excuse "we're little and short, help us" and squeezed to the absolute front and center.  My purse and hands were on the stage.  Eye contact was made with Joy Williams multiple times.  

Told ya my hand was on the stage....

Let's keep in mind we were the only ones dancing/singing the entire time.  And they noticed (that's coming up soon).  So yeah, I would post amazing videos I took, if only I could cut my loud voice out.  Freaking A.  

Also, a first in my extensive concert going history: Two girls during the opening act turned around said "Um, could you girls please be more quiet?  We're trying to enjoy the music."

We decided we should be louder.

Milo Greene was the opening band.  I had heard good things about them.  I did not know that all five of them had such talented, amazing voices -- And that they were all so amazingly good looking, and maybe just maybe one will be my future husband some day.  And, interesting tidbit: One of the lead singers, he drives the big white tour van and trailer attached from venue to venue.  I saw it with my own eyes.

My future husband has his arm around Megan. Megan's future husband has his arm around me.  Oops.

I can't even explain.

These two....Simply a guitar and two voices.  Amazing chemistry.  And voices of literal angels.  Hands down, the best concert I have ever been to.  On the surface, it sounds just so plain,just a guitar and two people?...But those two can make such powerful music like no others.  Oh, chills.....And Joy Williams' pregnant belly made it all the more cuter.  UGH the most beautiful concert I have ever been to.  I cried.

The finale...'Billie Jean' cover, and Joy Williams' faces were freaking priceless.  Most beautiful woman on earth award goes to her.

 I told Megan beforehand that I was serious about this concert -- Like, ALL-out stalker status fan.  I have never worked so hard to meet a band in my life.  I got lost finding the tour bus alleyway even though it was right in front of me, then stood by the tour bus, made friends with 6 other fans and the security guard, and at last at 12:30am they came out (much to Megan's dismay...She was tired, had work the next day, and was sleeping in my car probably irritated, love you girlll).

The 'four of us'.....That baby belly. Love....She is even more gorgeous in person.  He looks like Johnny Depp.

I was the first to meet them.  I hugged John Paul White.  I hugged Joy Williams.  Conversation as follows:

Me:  Hey, I'm Amy!  I was front row center, I love you guys so much.

J.P.W:  I noticed!! (awkward)...He then proceeded to sign my poster. (picture later)

Me:  Hey! You are so cute, I'm Amy!

Joy: Nice to meet you, I heard you singing the entire time!

(Is this good or bad....Verdict is still out)

I then continued to tell her I tweet her about her cute outfits all the time...Asked her to sign my poster, don't remember the rest because I was so giddy.

I booked it back to my car because I knew poor Megan was sleeping in my car in an abandoned parking garage.....Running, high on life, in a parking garage....Then I tripped and fell.  Ruined my dress, scraped my elbow, bruised my hip.  It was literally an intense fall.  But it did NOT stop me from still being the happiest girl alive.

Me this morning showing my battle wound.  My entire left side is sore from that trip and fall.

Peeing my pants.

I'm supposed to be organizing my clothes right now.

Instead, I got my eyebrows done, ate a cheesesteak and a milkshake (rhymes) and slept until 1pm.  Well, oops.

I don't know why I'm blogging right now....

Maybe because I get excited when my favorite bloggers blog, and I don't blog enough and maybe, just maybe there is someone out there that gets excited when I blog.  I hate that word, blog.

The un-news news in my life.

I've started drinking soda again.  It started with, once a week....Then turned into like every other day.

The Civil Wars concert is tonight.  I'm so excited that my body is in straight up anxiety mode.  Near peeing my pants every second.  

This picture...........................

P.S. Secret about peeing my pants:  I peed my pants almost every time I laughed too hard until I was about 15.  Thank goodness that stopped.  But that's not a lie, my friends can all attest to it...It happened multiple times at the mall.  It was a 'must-change-your-pants' kind of peeing pants thing, too.  I love my life stories.

Oh, and one last gem:
"Wanting to be in love is natural to the human experience.
 We all want to love. We love love.
 However, its highs are dizzying, its lows traumatic enough 
that we want to rid them from our memory. 


It almost seems counterintuitive to try to reach contentment and equanimity in our life while also cultivating this roller coaster of emotions."


Just an emo point to ponder.






P.P..S....If I don't get arrested on stalking charges, I'll recap tomorrow :)

Mama, I love you.

Hi, this is my mom Janie and me circa 1989 maybe.

This is my mom and I two months ago.

My mom...What can I even say.  We are the most opposite a mother and daughter can be, yet so alike in a quite a few ways...In the way we laugh, our skinny legs, our big smiles when we're happy, and maybe a couple of other things better off not mentioned.

My mom and I..We have probably the most interesting relationship ever.  For the majority of my life (mostly my teenage years)  I was a brat.  I blamed my mom for everything.  I said some mean things.  I took for granted and forgot that this is the woman that birthed me, took me to so many dance classes/horseback riding lessons/piano recitals, and I could just go on and on.  

How could I have taken all that stuff for granted?  Ayayay.

This is 3 generations of beauties, and skinny legs.  Amy (my Oma who my mom swears I was NOT named after, even though I'd like to say I was; she was an amazing woman), Janie my skinny-legged mom, and Amy, me the devil.  Amy sandwich for the win.

I think as soon as I moved away from home at 18, I realized that despite our differences, I loved my mom so much.  She fed me, clothed me (sometimes not the best outfits, but they're clothes!!), was my personal free taxi driver, fed me good food, taught me so many things I could have never taught myself,  and has been through so many more things than most moms have been through.  

Thank you mom..Thank you so much for raising three beautiful children, two daughters and a son that have turned into amazing individuals.  I am so thankful for Matt and Ali...And you.  I am SO thankful for this family.  Through thick and thin, and some of the hardest times ever...I would never trade this family for the world.  It's not the Brady Bunch, but it sure is much more fun than that.  

P.S.  Obviously had to title this post with a Spice Girls song quote.  Thanks mom, for letting me listen to them 24/7 and not complaining once.

In conclusion, LOVE YOU MOM and happy Mother's day...Thank you for the most wonderful memories ever.  Thank you for being the most fun mom ever.  Thank you for my life.

Girly Post.

One of my Facebook friends' status the other week was :  "So far, life is nothing like Sex and the City".

Amen, girl.

I remember in college (and embarrassingly just last week) my roommates and I would decide who would be the Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha of the group.  I am always defaulted to Charlotte..Which I have no problem with.  

This is Charlotte.  Would I wear that dress?  In a heartbeat I would!!

Side note:  While going on a shopping spree with my roommate Sherra the other day, she looks at me eyeing an outfit and says "Your style just reminds me of a tea party with the Queen.  You'd always be ready for it."  Best style compliment of my life.

Anyway, I don't want my life to be like Sex and the City.  I rarely went out in NYC, no one night stands, no 4 best girl friends (one gay best roommate though, partay), no designer shopping sprees, no high heels, and I barely even went out except for to eat.

Me this weekend...Can you tell I got some sun?  Can you tell I was so happy when I took this picture?

On another note, chick flicks.  I'm in the mood to watch a chick flick....My roommates told me as soon as they get home, we're watching chick flicks and crying all night.  Why are those dang chick flicks so unrealistic?  I mean...He's Just Not That Into You is even unrealistic.  The book:  My second bible.  The movie:  Everything was an exception to the rules.  Happy endings rarely happen!  Romanticism at its' most extreme are in these movies!  Where can I find a man as attractive as Ryan Gosling to sweep me off my feet?  Points to ponder.

This is TOTES a Carrie post, though....(sarcasm).  Anyway...

Back to real life.

The smell before rain.

It's 11:15 pm at the moment on a Tuesday night.  I was watching TV wasting my life away when I looked outside and saw lightning.

I love lightning, I love rain, I love thunderstorms.  I mostly love the smell before rain, though.  Especially in the spring and summer.

It's not raining yet.  I literally pray everyday that it will rain here in Utah.  Since it's basically the desert it barely ever rains, even though I check the forecast everyday and that "30% chance" makes me get my hopes up.  It just never happens.  You don't know how badly I want a pair of rain boots....But when would I use them?

(I just realized I'm blogging on my computer while it's lightning outside...So if I'm M.I.A for a few days, you'll know the story).

Why is something about this so calming?

Every time I think about rain, I think about that song by Brand New that I would listen to every day of my emo life in high school.

The song is depressing, but the part "You are the smell before rain, you are the blood in my veins" always gets to me.  

Seriously, this is so therapeutic.  The smell, the lightning, the super, super loud thunder....And it's raining...My prayers answered!!!  It's such a perfect moment of solitude.  Just what I need.

I'm Okay.

Honestly, I never thought I would have gotten the love I received for the last post I wrote.  I may have received 0 comments via my blog, but on my facebook I received messages and comments and love and stories that give me a little bit of hope. And, around 600 new views in the past few days?  Just call me a celebrity..

I'm so just kidding about the celebrity thing.

But really, I love you all.

Life's good.  When I'm bored and miss being a Nurse, I watch Mystery Diagnosis.  Sometimes I guess the diagnosis (in laymen's terms) even before they do.  So I win in that aspect.  Also, I'm working on my continuing education, incase I need it.  5 hours, 25 more to go.  I am enjoying it, actually.  Being able to pick what you learn is SO much nicer than required education.  Except I'm not getting paid...But right now, I'm not too worried about it.

I'll be back soon.