coming to a close.

My 21st Christmas has come and gone.
It's funny how times change....We went to my dad's Christmas morning at around 9am and the first thing we wanted to do is eat. I remember literally sprinting to get the presents Christmas morning when I was little. I miss those times, but I think I now know that the presents will still be there after the food. I love food.
This Christmas didn't feel like Christmas at all to me for a lot of reasons, but I am so grateful for the time I got to spend with my family.

My cousin Christopher is 5. He is getting so big. I think it's the most beautiful thing to watch a child grow up. He was talking and used the word "perhaps" correctly in a sentence. I'm thinking by the time he's 18, he'll be getting a perfect score on his SAT's.

I have a Russian aunt. Her Russian mom lives with her. She probably has a less than 50 word vocabulary of English. She's been here for almost 20 years and just doesn't want to learn the language, which is weird but oh well. It's the cutest thing, though. She loves to see us, kisses us and tells us how much we've grown in the best way that she can, by hand gestures. It's adorable.

I think I ate the whole world for Christmas. We had stuffed clams, shrimp, ham, sweet potatoes, green beans, meatballs, pork, raviolis, and apple pie. I had stomach pains for 24 hours. Ridiculous.

For Christmas I got 2 snuggies. Does that make me a loser? I think so. One was your classic snuggie in leopard print. The other was more classy. Zippered. I kind of look like a monk in it, but I really fit that look.

Yesterday I went to the City with my sister. It was cold, it was rainy but it was worth it. We went shopping, I showed her Herald Square, made her eat Thai food for the first time (she loved it, I was in heaven as well) and made her ride the subways with me, because for some scary reason I miss that a lot. I like to people watch I guess. It was sad because I miss the City so much, and there were so many people I wanted to see that either weren't there or the times didn't work out. We got to see the Rockefeller tree and watch people skate in literally puddles. People are crazy. Saw a lot of Asians taking pictures of ridiculous things, but that's your typical day in NYC on the streets. I love it. And, I've decided I love shopping and the clothes I found. I'm an impulsive dress buyer. Where do I wear these dresses? Good question.

That's my life update. Get a snuggie, it will change your life.

yesterday, today, tomorrow.

It's Christmas Eve, my family is as crazy as ever, and we're just wrapping up the night with my Mom. It's not quite the end of the year yet, but I figured like my friend Shay I would wrap up the year in a blogshell.

January February, March....What can I say. I grew a lot as a nursing student. I applied/got interviewed for my first internship, which I got and was so excited about. I had best friends for roommates that meant more to me than they'll ever know. We spent our Monday nights watching "Intervention" and feeling like we each needed our own just so we could take a break from life/clinicals. Although I don't really talk to them anymore, they were my saving grace last semester.


In April I turned 21. I felt old, I felt cool even though I was extremely sick. I spent the turn of midnight of my 21st birthday in an embarrassing, extremely loser-like situation. I will not mention this experience here....Kevin and Ali know.

My New Home......And my backyard.

In May, I moved to New York City. I had the most amazing time of my life. May, June and July flew by. I gained a best friend (thanks to relief society yoga night). Lauren will be my best friend forever. I absolutely adore her. I dated a guy for a month that was more confused and lost in life than I was. We had adventures. Life was full of walking the Brooklyn Bridge, tourist Thursdays, making friends, and walking through Times Square every morning to the subway to work on an orthopedics floor that was a love/hate job.

End of an Era...Next.

I was supposed to leave the first of August to go back home, but I fell in love. I absolutely adored the guy. The time we had dating was something I'd never take back. We never fought, it was perfect. But, sometimes life doesn't work out and fragile little hearts like mine are made for breaking. It was unforgettable, though. Jersey Boys, trips to Vermont and Utah, surprises, Washington Square Park...It was an experience I've learned and grown from.

At the beginning of this past semester, I found out that the one field I thought I wanted to go in was absolutely not for me. Critical care = me wanting to cry 24/7. But, I think I found a little niche in pediatric oncology. I don't feel like I'm ready to be a real nurse yet, but hopefully I'll feel better about this next May. I better.

Say Hey to Nurse Amy...........

I officially graduate May 15, 2010. I'm so excited for what's ahead of me. I'm looking for jobs currently in New York City and Utah, but my heart is in New York City right now (not because of a boy, duh)....So we'll see.

I'm Crazy

This is a shout-out to my friends Sam and Carly (see post below).
I showed them my blog, and now they think I'm the biggest nerd ever.

But, they told me to update on my weekend. I had the craziest/best weekend ever.
Friday I came down to Philadelphia...Reunited and it felt so good. We ended up going to our friends' apartment in downtown Philly. I'm officially declaring myself a part of the Cheltenham crew, we had so much fun.



Saturday was basically like the movie "Storm of the Century" except a million times better. Philadelphia got hit with 20 inches of snow, the most they've gotten in over 12 years. It was AMAZING. It started snowing at 3am Saturday morning (we were up until 5 obviously) and didn't stop until Sunday morning. Pennsylvania DOES NOT know how to pave roads. It was annoying, but it made the day all the more fun. We had to walk everywhere. What's cool about Cheltenham is that everyone is friends with everyone and has been since elementary school, and they all live within walking distance of eachother. We put on Sam's dad's snow gear and trekked out in the abandoned roads for hours. Then, our friend Dan's dad made us the most amazing dinner I think I've ever had. It was so good.

Please note Sam's head....Please. Actually, her whole outfit. We were looking like 4th grade boys.

The next day, I woke up to the best Jewish french toast ever. No wonder I gained 5 pounds in one weekend. Yesterday was pretty lazy...But, fun.
I was so sad to leave....But thankfully, hopefully Sam and Carly will be visiting me next week! I miss Cheltenham though.

Nightmares.

Usually, I'm not one to have nightmares.
The past couple of nights they've been terrible.

My first dream: I was in New York City, about to get on the subway. I was underground waiting for it and all of a sudden a bunch of people came and told us to get into a straight line. I dropped my purse, got in line, and we were marched to a subway train far away. The thing was, there were massive amounts of us being held hostage. We each got put on different subway trains that the terrorists told us they were going to blow up. A little Asian girl found me and told me her parents were involved in the attack, so she could help me because she liked my Penn State shirt. She kept ushering me into different cars, telling me that those ones weren't going to blow up. She got me past "security". It was this massive organized attack. I wasn't scared, that's the thing. Weird.

Next dream....I was with a friend whom I haven't seen for years in Elmira (near where I live). Elmira is kind of ghetto. Just a little bit. So we're driving and all of a sudden I see a kid get shot right in front of our car. A little kid. My friend told me to duck, but I'd be ok. Well, our car was the next to get shot. Somehow I got shot right through my right lung and I was bleeding all over. He took me to the hospital, I couldn't breathe, and I kept asking if I'd be okay.

Scariest dreams. Ever.

Trapped.

So I may or may not be trapped here in Hershey for another night.
I was on the road to leave for home today, and remembered my best friends out in Philadelphia. And how I really would love to see them. About 10 minutes into the drive, I turned around. I'm either leaving tonight or tomorrow....Tonight would be amazing because I think Hershey is driving me CRAZY.
I just love them so much and want to see them.

Meet Carly and Sam.

This is Sam and I: We were way young in this picture, about 15. Terrifying picture of me.

And Carly.....I forgot how ugly I was at this age.

Sam's a crazy redhead, and I love her so much. And Carly, she's the sweetest girl ever. They're both a year younger than me, but somehow taught me things I never knew about when I was at a young innocent age (haha). We met at Independent Lake Camp in 2002. Best time of my life. We were all bunkmates. We had a counselor that was a stripper as a side job, the other was deaf, and the other was named Simone-- An adorable girl from South Africa.
Anyway, we go way back. It's amazing to me that we still keep in touch even though we met when I was 13 or 14. Camp does that to you. You go for 2 weeks and you come out of it with the best friends on earth. My other friend, Kevin...Well he's nonexistent now that he has a girlfriend, but I still consider him my "Best friend from Maryland". I love them all.

Just a sidenote. Among searching the archives, I found this picture that I found humorous:
Me, reading the Book of Mormon at 17. I was just learning about the Church...So that summer, I'd lay out and tan while reading it. HAHAHA it kills me.

brain hurts.

Tomorrow, I get to go home.
Right now, my brain hurts.
I hate studying. Especially when this exam tomorrow is make or break.
In other news, I'm getting a Snuggie for Christmas so I can be lazy for 3 1/2 weeks in STYLE.
I want New York City.
The End.

all sorts of fun.

I love how gmail's spam folder has a button that says : "delete forever". Forever is a long time, don't you think?

I wore a zebra dress last night. I felt cool kind of. My goal was to show my fellow nursing students that in fact I can clean myself up, that I don't always look like a hot mess. I seriously look disgusting everyday here. What's wrong with me.

A girl from my nursing class came up to me last night and says, "I just know you as the girl who is always sitting in fetal position in class. You do the weirdest things with your legs, it kind of looks like a spider." SpiderGirl. That's what I'm going to be known as.

I'm on a studying hiatus right now. I can't get myself to study.

My roommates are starting to become obsessed with Lady Gaga. Thanks to me ;)
Let's just talk about how talented she is in this video....Pre-the Fame. Can we please appreciate how amazing she is at piano-- Especially towards the end.
P.S. I love the song "New York Girls" - Morningwood. Makes me want to dance.

Delighted.

It tickles my fancy a lot when I find songs that have my name in them.
When I was little, my dad told me that for every little girl, a song gets made just for them with their names in it. My song was "Amy" by Pure Prairie League.

"Amy what you wanna do?
I think I could stay with you
For a while, maybe longer if I do..."

I used to imagine two guys babysitting me, singing and playing this on guitar...Asking me what I wanted to do because we were bored and I wanted to play. Oh, the mems. That song means a lot to me.


Here's some more...Like, if you're obsessed with me and want to listen to songs that involve my name. Right.......So this is why I put a description of each song. Take your pick.

"Amy's Song" by Switchfoot. I play this song when I want to feel like I can conquer the world.
"Amy's Song" by Joshua Radin. It's sad, it's complicated, it's me. I think this is my current favorite.
"Amie" by Damien Rice (even though it's misspelled, it counts). I always picture my best friend Kevin Klein, whom I haven't spoken to in years, sing this to me while we're at summer camp.
"Amy" by Ryan Adams. It's something I wish someone would sing to me.

Play it.

Currently on the playlist:
"Comfortable" - John Mayer
"Amy's Song" - Joshua Radin


Beauty.


And since this is the first snow of the season, I figured I'd share with you a memory of mine from winter 2007....And a lesson to be learned: Never let Amy drive a car. Oopsies.

Mad Women?

This is a Mad Men post.
I've only seen one episode.
I watched it solely because there was a party in New York City that girls from church threw that was Mad Men themed. They dressed as girls from the late 50's early 60's. I love that era. I wish I lived during that time period, the 50's mostly.
I watched it, and I realized why the girls from NYC love that show so much.
Mad Men is set during the turn of a new era. It's about men and women in the workplace, at an ad agency in the Upper East Side to be specific. The new era women empowerment--It's okay for them to be in the workplace, be on birth control and promiscuous.
I'll just throw it out there-- Most of the girls in New York make their lives their jobs. They're in love with working in fashion, advertising, and everything else "in vogue". Marriage and family is on the back burner, because right now they're having fun and feel empowered thanks to their job and their passion for it.

Okay, I respect that. I realize this is probably a controversial post. But I fail to understand feeling empowered to the point where you think having a family is your last priority.
I believe women should be educated as much as they can. Women should have jobs that they're happy with. But the job shouldn't have the woman.

I want to be a mom and a wife more than anything. I love nursing. I love the versatility of it. I'm probably the most conservative dresser you'll ever meet. A couple of weeks ago, my dad told my sister she's definitely the more stylish one, and I could care less. Except for when I'm in New York and all of the girls around me at Morm parties look like dolls and I look like....Well, plain. But I'm proud to say that I will never make my job first in life. I wish I lived in the 40's. I would absolutely love to wear pearls and vacuum, cook dinner and most of all, have those hairstyles and dress beautifully yet simply. Is it really anti-feminist to think that?

Reading Nerds, Unite.

"A girl I once caught reading Fahrenheit 451 over my shoulder on the subway confessed: "You know, I'm an English lit major, but I've never loved any books like the ones I loved when I was 12 years old." I fell slightly in love with her when she said that. It was so frank and uncool, and undeniably true."

I found an article about how the books we read when we were little will always trump the ones when we're older...Because we're learning about life from these books. It's an awesome article.

When Books Could Change Your Life: Why What We Pore Over At 12 May Be The Most Important Reading We Ever Do

The Friend Ship Has Sunk.

Friends.

I've had plenty.
In preschool, I had 2 best friends. We had crushes on lots of boys.
In elementary school, Nichole and I were an inseparable pair.
In middle school, we made up cool nicknames for our "best friend groups". MAN, CANS, RANS....All of our initials obviously. These groups transitioned, some dropped out, some joined.
In High School, I had a group of girlfriends that I had the time of my life with. We were there for each other for anything and everything.
Senior year, I joined the Church. I had to start new. I lost almost all of my friends. They left me for people I would never hang out with if my life depended on it. To this day, most of them are still there.
College....I'm a loner. Honestly, I can't name one person (besides KDubz) that I tell everything to and/or trust. I don't have a best friend. I don't have a "group". I float around without a place I can call my "friend home". I honestly don't know if there's someone's shoulder I can count on to cry on at 3am.

So....I guess it's been guys I have dated that I've confided in. When a break up happens, it's truly like losing your best friend.

You sit there, have endless conversations during the immediate post break-up phase about how you'll always be friends, you can always count on me, you can call me whenever, we'll check up on eachother. "I really hope we can still be friends" just seems like a meaningless phrase that was used to end a conversation.

I don't want to date you. I want to be your friend. I want to be able to catch up; I know a lot about your life and you know about mine, and we still have a connection if only on that level.
I don't want to be ignored. And if I'm being ignored, I want to know why. I only want friends who are committed, and I feel like these types are SO hard to come by these days. If they're not a committed friend, I want them to be open and tell me that that's just not what they want. But they don't tell you, and you hurt and sit and wonder. You're lonely and in the end, all you really want is your friend back.


"Sitting, Waiting, Wishing" Jack Johnson

it will all work out.

Fear not, I am with thee,
Oh be not dismayed.
For I am thy God,
& will still give thee aid.
I'll strengthen thee, help thee,
& cause thee to stand,
Upheld by my righteous Omnipotent hand.


We are never alone.

It isn’t as bad as you sometimes think it is.
It all works out. Don’t worry.
I say that to myself every morning.
"It will all work out."
Put your trust in God,
and move forward with faith
and confidence in the future.
The Lord will not forsake us.
He will not forsake us.
If we will put our trust in Him,
if we will pray to Him,
if we will live worthy of His blessings,
He will hear our prayers

- Gordon B. Hinckley

I love that man....He was a true prophet of God, such an inspiration and a huge part of me gaining a testimony of the Church.

I put these quotes up mostly as a reminder to myself. Things will work out.