wanderers...

over the past few days, i've gotten a lot of hits from a lot of different places.
what brought you here? i'm so happy to have you all...even if it was by accident.

one thing ....

there's one thing I wish:
that nursing wasn't such a cliche job.
like when you're young....
and you learn about different careers: let's name them off.
nurse
doctor
firefighter
policeman

chef
astronaut
postman
I wish I had a cool, long title for a name. maybe i will someday. perhaps.
Nurse Amy, CJFDSKLIW.
That will stand for something very important one day...
you might just have to substitute a letter. Or two.


Oh and P.S.......Fun Fact: Penn State Nursing program does not give you a Bachelor's of Science in Nursing. . Just a Bachelor's in science.
So my name tag will read......"Amy Madden, R.N, B.S."

That's b.s.

and again...

Please go to my tumblr. It's lonely. It wants followers. I feel like it's closer to my heart now. It's like a little beautiful mini scrapbook where I can write, put quotes that I love dearly, and post pictures that mean something significant to me.

www.amymarissa.tumblr.com

One of the most beautiful lines in a song:

"I�m in love with a girl who'�s in love with the world
and I can�t help but follow
though I know someday she is bound to go away
and stay over the rainbow
gotta learn how to let her go
over the rainbow "
-"Keep it Loose, Keep it Tight" by Amos Lee


p.s. for the first time in my life, while looking at jobs, looking at applications and dates, my future world is spinning around...I don't know if I want to graduate anymore.

after a while, it all comes together.

After awhile you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises.

And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for paths. After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.

So plant your garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure… That you really are strong, And you really do have worth.

tumbling.

"When there’s so much beauty in the world sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid life."

American Beauty

If any of you have tumblr, follow my account...it's fun. It's addicting.
http://www.amymarissa.tumblr.com

Olympics vs. Christmas

Does anyone else find the Olympics far easier to get into than Christmas?

I love/live for Christmas.
But anytime I find the Olympics on, especially an Olympics ceremony, a tear or two automatically comes to my eyes. The history, the tradition, the pride. It's so easy to become emotional watching it. Christmas, you have to dig deep and remember why you're celebrating. But the Olympics, it's easy. I guess it's the pride thing. But at the same time, it's beautiful.



And who didn't die inside while watching Shaun White snowboard?

ay.

Crappy bed
(It's falling apart, the sheets wont stay and I'm basically like a burrito in it)
crappy mood...
I want home.
Actually, I want a big bed I can sleep in. All to myself.
I want to sleep all day.
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Let's be positive, though. Let's all give a warm "welcome back" to the John Mayer I used to know and love. His new CD, Battle Studies has kept me some good company tonight. I fell in love all over again.
Incase anyone was wondering, the bottom of the two youtube links I posted is my favorite.

V-Day, D-Day

I hate Valentine's Day.
But without fail, there will always be one thing that makes me smile.
I know my dad will always be my Valentine no matter what.

His card said: "Dear Amy, Happy Valentine's Day. You are still Daddy's little girl. I love you, Dad. xoxoxo"

a tree grows in brooklyn.

This is a rough draft, but I wanted to write down some of the quotes in this book that I enjoyed. Unfortunately, I am at the library and must give the book back. I'll write about it later.

"She'd take a block of paper and a stick of charcoal and sketch the poorest, ugliest kid in the room. And when the picture was finished, you didn't see the dirt or the meanness, you saw the glory of innocence and the poignancy of a baby growing up too soon. Oh, it was grand."\


"Oh, how I wish I was young again when everything seemed so wonderful!"

"But it was just as well...Ther had to be the dark and muddy waters so that the sun could have something to background its flashing glory."


"Sissy had two great failings. SHe was a great lover and a great mother. SHe had so much of tenderness in her, so much of wanting to give of herself to whoever needed what she had, whether it was her money, her time, the clothes off her back, her pity, her understanding, her friendship or her companionship and love. She was mother to everything that came her way. She loved men, yes. She loved women too, and old people and especially children. How she loved children! She lvoed the down-and-outers. She wanted to make everybody happy....She loved all the scratching curs on the street and wept for the scavenging cats who slunk around Brooklyn corners with their sides swollen looking for a while in which they might bring forth their young....She picked bouquets of white clover in the lots believing they were the most beautiful flowers God had ever made. Once she saw a mouse in her room. The next night she set out a tiny box for him with cheese crumbs in it. Yes, she listened to everybody's troubles but no one listened to hers. But that was right because Sissy was a giver and never a taker."

"Dear God," she prayed, "Let me be something every minute of every hour of my life. Let me be gay; let me be sad. Let me be cold; let me be warm. Let me be hungry...Have too much to eat. Let me be ragged or well dressed. Let me be sincere-- be deitful. Let me be truthful; let me be a liar. Let me be honorable and let me sin. ONly let me be something every blessed minute. And when I sleep, let me dream all the time so that not one litle piece of living is ever lost."

..."A girl- in spite of bright red lipstick and grown-up clothes and a lot of knowledge picked up here and there-- who was yet tremulously innocent; a girl who had come face to face with some of the evil of the world and most of its' hardships, and yet had remained curiously untouched by the world."



"Oh, magic hour, when a child first knows she can read printed words!"

"From that time on, the world was hers for the reading. She would never be lonely again, never miss the lack of intimate friends. Books became her friends and there was one for every mood."

feelings.

I think it's funny that I'm sitting here at the library, my last semester of my college career. Let's hope this lasts throughout the semester.
But I feel like it will. I feel like something in me knows that it's almost all over, and I have a drive. I have a focus. I want to do well and I want to end my 4 years at Penn State with a bang.

I'm currently doing a rotation at a psychiatric hospital. It's one of the most painful things to have to experience. While I was there, there was a lockdown because a woman was at risk for self-harm. I witnessed her anguish of being restrained due to her diluted sense of reality. It was heartbreaking. She was 60, had a hysterectomy yet thought she was pregnant and people were trying to hurt her baby. Imagine feeling that way. To her, that is reality. It's real what she's feeling. It hurts her heart so much. She loves and wants to protect something that does not exist, but to her it's more than real. Hurts my heart.

Well, no news is good news right? I don't really have much to report. Some little things are happening, but when or if these things turn big, you (1, possibly 2) readers will be the first to know.