filled journals.

I love writing in a journal. I think if I could have one thing from my grandma or mom, it would be a journal she could hand to me from when she was my age. But, neither of them kept a journal. I'm not only keeping it for myself to look back on (some entries are pretty entertaining), but for my future kids/grandkids to read and know what was going on in my head.

I haven't written anything super-spiritual in a while, so I figured I would just copy an entry I wrote in my recently filled journal. I was looking back on this summer and my thoughts while I was in New York, travelogue style and spiritual. This is probably my favorite spiritual entry.


May 25th, 2009
"It's so cool to think about the pre-existence.
I signed up for this life.
I knew I would face some hard trials, especially since I was chosen for this time and generation.
I felt prepared to be a woman on this Earth.
I so much desired this life and this chance I was given. I was grateful for the opportunity to live.
What's amazing about that is that we ALL have that courage/strength inside of us. It's what pushed all of us to make the decision to live on this earth. We dove in head first into the great unknown, maybe scared but mostly grateful.
It's beautiful to think that I have cute little spirit children up there waiting to do the same thing. I already love them for their courage.
So, since all people on this earth made the decision to be here, then there is SUCH great potential and strength in each of us. After all, we all made that HUGE first step.
That thought makes me happy. We all have equal potential. Also for some reason today, I am SO happy I'm a woman. As hard as it is sometimes, I think it is such a blessing during this day and age."

turning my head out to see what i'm all about.

The title of this post is from the song Lovers in Japan/Reign of Love by Coldplay. I think I love Coldplay so much because when I listen to any of their songs, I'm surrounded by the sound. There is so much going on at once, but at the same time I can focus so clearly on the story the song is trying to convey. It's beautiful.
I love music, so much. Especially piano. Especially songs that have violen/strings in it. Mostly piano, though.



I think this blog has become boring. Maybe because I'm boring?

sweetest place on earth.

Hershey is lame.
Wish I was in the City, I miss the tall buildings and lights and constant excitement...And kind of hard to admit, but I miss the subway and being able to jump on and see all of my friends in 10 minutes.
We'll see what happens in life, but it's scary. My instructors were telling us that we should start applying to jobs between Thanksgiving break and winter break. Where do I want to settle down? We'll see how the next few months go. I was thinking California or Utah originally, but now New York is looking more and more appealing for various reasons. Who knows. I'll be praying about it.

On a more positive note, Utah/Randy in 4 days basically!! I can't wait. We're going to have so so much fun.

here i am, and i stand so tall....

I just had to post the lyrics to this song. I know that I mentioned it in the last post, but I wanted to share the lyrics because 1) it's always in my head, 2) it's about the only song on my playlist at the time, and 3) I'm slowly attempting to learn it on the piano.

I feel like this song can be related to a lot of situations. These lyrics mean a lot to me. When I was introduced to it through my sister, I was told it had a lot to do with addiction, specifically substance abuse. Substance abuse runs in my family, specifically alcohol. Thankfully it's not a battle I have to face for myself, but I've seen it destroy a lot of members in my family, as well as relationships between all of us. I've seen firsthand what addiction can do to someone. I like how this song basically compares addiction to a gravitational pull. It's always bringing you down, you feel like it's unavoidable.

Another part of me looks at these words as a love song. Haven't we all been there, completely vulnerable to a person we fall for? We give ourselves completely. It's such a scary feeling, to know that we've become attached to this person to the point of no return. We're putting our hearts in their hands so to speak, and that person could drop it at anytime. It's a matter of trust, but sometimes trust isn't enough. How do we know? We're addicted to that person who we love so very much, and this is a song of being scared about the what if's.. What if this doesn't work out and I'm left here alone?

Anyway, that's my interpretation....You can feel free to leave your own.

Gravity: Sara Barrielles.

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long
No matter what I say or do
I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone

You hold me without touch
You keep me without chains
I never wanted anything so much
Than to drown in your love and not feel your rain

Set me free, leave me be
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall
Just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me and all over me

Oh, you loved me 'cause I'm fragile
When I thought that I was strong
But you touch me for a little while
And all my fragile strength is gone

Set me free, leave me be
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall
Just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me and all over me

I live here on my knees
As I try to make you see
That you're everything I think I need
Here on the ground
But you're neither friend nor foe
Though I can't seem to let you go
The one thing that I still know is that
You're keeping me down
Keeping me down, yeah

You're on to me, on to me and all over

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long...

A beautiful dance interpretation of the song:

live it

I'm still getting used to living here in Hershey again. I just miss being busy all the time with things other than class and schoolwork...I think I'd pick working over this just because 1) I earn money and 2) No having to worry about reading, clinical outlines, lectures, careplans, and the list goes on. It seems like I'm going to have a rough semester as far as workload goes. Ah, isn't senior year supposed to be easy?

My roommates all come from very different backgrounds. I have a feeling I won't be very close to them in contrast to last years' roommates, but oh well. I think I'll be gone most weekends anyway if things go as planned....I'm praying that they do, I don't want it to be any other way.

I go to Utah in 6 days...I'm very excited. I kind of maybe miss a certain someone there that I'm going to see and we're going to have lots of fun, like always!

Gravity.

Gravity - Sara Barreilles. Currently a song I am learning on piano and in love with thanks to my sister.

It's been a while since I've written, sorry but life has been so crazy!!! I'm loving every second of it.

Last weekend Randy helped me move out and we went to Horseheads for 2 nights. It was lovely, I got to spend some quality time with my brother in my dad's new hot tub, we watched for meteor showers (I thinkkk I saw one). Saturday me and Randy went to the lake to see Nichole's family. It was beautiful out. Keuka Lake and Nichole's cottage = Heaven on earth sometimes. I go there and I feel like I'm home. Her family treats me like I'm their daughter...I love being taken in by wonderful families that love me like their own.
This past week, I spent with Randy (see a pattern here? Ha)...We did lots of fun things, although it was so incredibly hot in the City. Randy met my grandma, who is currently in love with him. She told my dad all good things..Which is, good because my dad is pretty skeptical of guys (especially cute Mormon ones). But anyway, we had such a nice week together. I'm still surprised he hasn't gotten sick of me yet. Ha. I hope he never does!

Anyway, it was sad saying goodbye because we basically had spent a month straight together, but it had to be done Friday because Saturday (yesterday) I moved to Hershey. Not sure how I feel about it yet. It's...Quiet. Peaceful. I miss the City so much, ah where are the big buildings?!?! Today I went to Hershey Park with my family. It was a zoo. Rollercoasters were cool, that's about it.

In other news, went to go see Jersey Boys 2 weeks ago...It was phenomenal. AMAZING. Best show I've seen yet.

I'm happy, super happy, and I'm going to Utah in a week and a half to visit Randy and meet his family! And see Lauren, possibly Laura, two girls I love so very much.

Life is lovely right now.

can't take my eyes off of...

I'm going to see Jersey Boys tonight!! I can't contain my excitement so I had to share.
The past week has been pretty chillaxed...Until tonight, and then tomorrow I'm renting a car and going home with Randy for the weekend. He gets to meet Nichole, Sister Tracy, everyone at church, possibly my crazy mom, and my siblings. I'm thinking about taking him to Ithaca too. Then I'm driving his butt back to the City and staying there for a few more days...I just can't say goodbye! Ha. I'm not looking forward to moving out tomorrow, that's for sure.

I guess they're outside my door right now filming Law and Order: SVU if any of you guys are into that. I'm not really, but it's still so cool that my street is having something filmed here.

I just love this City and I love how different each and every one of us is that lives here. I was in the library getting all emotional thinking of how no other library is like this in our country (probably). There are so many different, lovely people. Even though some are weird.

I read my patriarchal blessing today because I had this overwhelming feeling that I should. It made me feel so wonderful. To know that I will be a mother of choice children someday and will be making sacred covenants in the temple made me smile/cry at the same time. It's such a blessing to know that. It's also crazy how true my Patriarchal Blessing has been so far in guiding me in life. There are some pieces of advice that I didn't follow, that I should have and I forever regret that. But there's still time for change, and I have changed immensely since those mistakes were made. I love Heavenly Father for allowing us to receive Patriarchal Blessings. Mine is such a help/motivation for me to better myself and prepare for the blessings life has in store for me.

so dizzy from all this spinning.

I'd like to start off by saying, I'm the happiest I've been in a long time.

I went to Vermont this weekend and had the absolute best time EVER. I don't know if it's because I have been cooped up in a City for the past 3 months, but spending a few days in the wilderness was amazing, and the people I spent it with made it all the more wonderful. Last minute, Randy invited me on a trip to Vermont with his brother and sister in law. It was a long trip, but we made it to his brother's friend's house pretty quickly Thursday night. They live in this adorable home in the middle of nowhere in Vermont. I fell in love with their kids, Lana and Luke. Lana is 6 and Luke is 3. They made me wish I was a preschool teacher, or kindergarten..Either one. Me and Luke bonded. Randy was teasing him all weekend by saying, "Luke...I am your father." Luke got a kick out of that. Everytime he came in to wake all of us up, he whispered, "I am your FATHER!!" Ha.

Luke..One of the highlights of the trip.

Friday...We went on a tour of the water holes around town. First, we went cliff jumping. It was tons of fun. The boys may have been more adventurous, but I sure felt really brave jumping off a huge cliff. Next, we went to a natural waterslide. It seriously was a blast...I at first wasn't going to go because the water was FREEZING, but I'm so glad I did it. Then, we went to a marble quarry that filled up with water. I stayed out of that one and hung out with the girls. It was a lot of driving overall to get to all these places, but it was worth it.

THEN we went four wheeling. OKAY Randy was the best driver ever...We went on so many jumps, I'm super sore. But it was so worth it. Afterwards, we played Wii all night. Me and Randy rocked it. We make a good team.

this basically sums up our 4 wheeling experience.

Saturday, we went to Spring Lake, a lake filled with all natural spring water. It was pretty neat, but it was a little chilly. I loved laying out. We went to breakfast at this famous place called Sugar and Spice and I had amazing pancakes. At night, we played American Idol karaoke. I seriously don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my entire life.
Sunday we made it back to the city in 7 hours. Ugh it was a long trip. Randy's family went home. I guess I won't be laughing 24/7 anymore from his brother, but Randy does a good job of making me laugh all the time so it's all okay.

Me, Randy, his brother John and sister in law Natalie.

i am.

I AM ALONE IN THIS WORLD:
"There was a girl of 10 years old. She always said that she felt lonely In this world. She is the face that comes out from the night. She may be little but it is her right to fight for happiness in this world.", © Idalina, 16 years old, Osire Refugee Camp, Namibia

I just wanted to share that..I found it in the U.N. photo exhibit. I loved it.

I am thoroughly enjoying my last few weeks in New York...I'm so glad I decided to stay a little bit longer because so far it's been totally worth it.
What I've been doing...Saturday I went to a public pool in New York. Needless to say, I will not be going again. They make everyone shower and then you have to flash your bathing suit to them to prove you showered, there is absolutely no room to lay out, and you can't bring anything out. And they make you buy a lock. It was fun though, I went with a few people from Church and Randy. Then, me and Randy met up with his brother and his wife who were visiting and we went around Times Square, got pizza and went on the Staten Island Ferry (fourth time in my whole 2 months here, it's the best free view of the Statue of Liberty ever).
Sunday, I went to church with them...I love Randy's brother and sister in law, they are hilarious/the cutest couple ever. Afterwards we all napped and then took a walk around Central Park. I got to see the castle that was in Enchanted. Woohoo. After that they made me do more walking, across the Brooklyn Bridge and back. It was so cute.
Last night Randy, his brother and his brother's wife went to a Mets game...The Mets lost but I hate them anyway, so it was okay. I also went to the U.N. building yesterday. I was surprisingly really touched by some exhibits in there. It made me want to go to refugee camps and help out all these little kids that have such big dreams.

me and Randy at the Mets game!

This particular picture touched me. It says: Surgeon. In my sleep, I dreamed of being a surgeon. It was written by a 17 year old boy in a refugee camp.

And today, Randy surprised me and got us Jersey Boys tickets!!! I'm going next Thursday, I absolutely cannot wait. He's a sweet guy :)

Randy and I at the U.N. Building, in front of the flags!! P.S. You can't see my face because Randy is 6'4 and I'm 5'2, so he always casts a shadow upon me. Lovely.'