empathy.

Empathy is a word you hear ALL the time in the nursing world. So is compassion. So is being understanding.
Today was so depressing.
I had a patient in her 30's. Keep in mind, she is in her early 30's. She was diagnosed with leukemia in 2007. She received multiple chemo therapy sessions, she had a stem cell transplant in 2009. After that, things went downhill. She got graft vs. host disease, her body rejected the stem cells which led to her kidneys failing. She was then diagnosed with colon cancer that spread to her lungs and her bones. She is getting progressively worse. She is totally aware of what's going on, she can talk but barely, she is in constant pain. She has to have this loud mask covering her face. She is crying most of the time. When I went to help her, she grabbed my hand to hold it. I instantly felt her pain. Why is she still alive? It has to be for a reason. She is suffering. She is getting worse and they know she will die. If someone took of that mask, she'd probably die in a minute or two.
I wish I could do something. Ugh.
ENOUGH of the depressing stuff.

I keep having these dreams where I am fighting random people I don't know. In one, I was riding my bike to my dad's and these creepy teenage guys were following me. They were rearending my bike. What the heck. So they came to my house and wanted to fight...I pinned one down and they were all laughing at me including him and egging me on to punch him. I did, but he kept laughing..I woke up.
The next one, I was with Nichole and we were in New York City. She was visiting me because obviously in an ideal world I would live there....These girls on the street wanted to fight me. So I did. It's unclear who won, but we both came out in pretty rough shape. Then me and Nichole had a slumber party and stayed up until 6am. Again, what the heck.

So I looked up what it means when you're fighting people.
"The meaning of dreams about fighting usually symbolizes anger and confusion that comes about in times of change. Fighting with strangers usually represents an internal struggle."
Haha, dream interpretations.