I'm happy with who I have turned into the past few years,
But at the same time I know there are still parts of me that need working on.
Obviously, though right? Who doesn't have those internal struggles?
When I'm going through a hard time,
I make myself sick.
Literally, sick.
I have no urge to get out of bed, I sleep and sleep but I'll wake up in the middle of the night with the worst stomach aches I feel I've ever felt.
Two days ago, I forced myself to go on a solo hike to Grandeur Peak,
hoping it would give me the peace and serenity that I so badly needed.
It was 6 1/2 miles round trip, give or take.
I started the hike listening to a self-help book that, as I realized upon further ascent, was doing me no good as a hiker.
I needed to just be present and recognize what my body was doing.
I started listening to music.
But still, I was thinking. And thinking, and thinking.
It was a slow, hard hike for me. I tired easily.
My body hated me for not feeding it breakfast earlier, but I just had no appetite.
Trail runners passed me, and then passed me again. That was embarrassing.
I made it to the top, tired emotionally and physically.
I sat down, but not before looking all around me.
Taking in that view was something I could never explain.
A 360 degree view of nothing but beauty, mountains, valleys, and some cities in between.
Pictures couldn't capture it.
I couldn't either, because I was too emotionally exhausted to take it in.
But, it was beautiful.
I made some friends at the peak. A 77-year old man named George, who was almost too kind, and a 40-ish year old recently divorced woman and her dogs. We listened to each other's stories for a bit, then parted ways. I think that was the part of the beauty I captured that day - 3 different people, at the top of the same hike, reflecting on life. That's the kind of thing that makes the world go 'round.
I'm sore in a good way.
It feels like I accomplished something.
I know I will look back on this day and smile, but right now that just takes a lot of work.
1 comment:
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through such a hard time. I kind of get this way also, and it literally makes me physically ill as well. I think it's stress.
It's good you can find peace in nature. At least you have easy access to gorgeous hikes when you need them. You are brave, you now. I don't have the guts to go on a hike by myself, and my dog doesn't fit in my car so I can't even take him. I do love to hike though, and the feeling that you get when surrounded by gorgeous mother nature is unreal! And it's amazing that the people you meet hiking instantly become friends. When people are in that atmosphere they really are in a better mood. It would be so different then running into those same people in the streets.
Have you ever done yoga, or mediation? It's the same high for me. You might like it, it keeps the mind clear and gets out all the negativity out.
Just remember that everyone goes through these downs but things always get better. Even though it's tough, staying positive is so important.
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