Perfect Teeth.

Hi, I'm Amy.

This was me....When I was four years old I believe. Before I lost all my teeth. I was on Santa's lap.

I went to preschool at an art museum. Arnot Art Museum in Elmira, New York. I have vivid images of: Hiding in cubes, making pottery, learning French, making pretend phone calls at a wooden phone booth, my mom packing me gross egg sandwiches that I hated, losing my mom's class ring because I wanted to be cool and wear jewelry, but especially learning how to cut hearts out of construction paper and pretending that they went out to my crushes. Yep I was ages 3 and 4. I had 2 best friends: Danielle and Kara. I'd have sleep overs at each of their houses. Sometimes, I'd ask my mom if I could go over to play at their houses after preschool just so I didn't have to wear my shoes. My shoes had inserts in them...I have flat feet and my uncle is a podiatrist. Because of me not wearing them, they are still flat. But at least I had great friends...And I am pretty sure each of us are nurses/in the process of becoming one. Which is pretty cool/weird huh?

Perfect Teeth- Motion City Soundtrack has been in my head for the past two work nights. And it's silly.. Because I haven't listened to it in 7 years. It's a nostalgic song, I guess. But silly at the same time.

Anyway..Reminiscent post I decided to share....Even though I said I wouldn't do that anymore. Oops.

These Shoes Ain't Fitting.

I hate being a complainer.
But when something feels wrong, chances are it is.
My Dad told me when I was 10 years old... "The squeaky wheel gets the grease".
I didn't understand the saying. I had to have him explain it.
But finally I understood.
(As long as you don't squeak so much to the point that it's annoying and you throw away the wheel, it's important to be "squeaky" sometimes.)
Someone tell me they follow where I'm going with this and I'll give you a dollar.

It takes one person with a bad attitude to ruin an otherwise good day. I know you're saying, "But it's your choice to let it get to you"...But I was being pushed over the edge. Being pushed over the edge means I was repeatedly tested to the point that I couldn't take it any more.
I cried again at work today. I couldn't help it.
Funny that the first thing I heard when I walked into work last night was a fellow co-worker on the phone saying, "Nurses don't cry".
They do.....At least I do. Maybe I'm not normal. Maybe I'm over-emotional.



But let's turn this into a positive experience:
What did I do when I got home, after bawling my eyes out?
I took out my GRE book.
Because you know what? Going back to school and getting my Master's would beat the hell out of this hot mess.

And I cross my heart and hope to die
These dreams of yours are gonna fly

Guilty.

So, most people who know me know that I have ONE guilty pleasure (okay, maybe more....but one BIG one).
Lady Gaga.

I so feel like I jumped on the bandwagon with this one, but last year I just couldn't help it. I got 8th row tickets to see her show at Radio City Music Hall and I loved every single minute of it. You can hate, but that girl can perform. As evidenced by a video I've posted probably a few times of her singing/playing piano pre-stardom at an NYU talent show as "Stefani Germanotta".
Pretty cool fact--Lady Gaga was born at the hospital I work in. I've actually worked with her pediatrician. So in the 6 degrees of separation of LG...I'm only 2 degrees away. Is it sad that I've thought of this before?
"Born in New York, in Lenox Hill of '86/Cheered for the Yankees with my dad in Section 6."

That's the shout out in her acoustic version of "Poker Face".

I'm deliriously tired and decided that I'd share with you a dream I've been having recently....
I get off the subway right in front of the hospital, and I see a line of paparazzi with Lady Gaga walking through. Every night after her concerts, she comes to the hospital to rejuvenate and because "her knees hurt". Somehow, I am always her nurse. In these dreams, I'm always freaking out because I get absolutely nothing done. Probably because I'm spending my time pretending I'm best friends with/the private nurse of Lady Gaga. Totally normal.
Maybe I'll send her my application....Nursing job opportunities are pretty slim nowadays, people have a hard time believing that.

It's 10am...I think it's bedtime.

Read.

Everyone who knows me knows that I love to read.

I love the smell of books--The distinction between old and new. I love the wear and tear appeal of old books, because I know that someone else has read and enjoyed what I am now reading. I love libraries.

For Christmas, my Dad got me a Kindle. I always said that if I ended up in New York City, I would get a Kindle because it's much easier to carry than a book, and a lot more convenient on the subways. Apparently they've become trendy. It seems like everyone in the City has one, but I understand why.

I wasn't sure I would like the Kindle because of what I stated above: I love books! I love paperbacks. It takes away from the beauty of printed word. But, I'll have to say it's pretty nifty. I can buy a book from anywhere in the world and have it delivered right in my hands. Call it laziness but sometimes I want to get a book so badly, but don't want to walk the 15 minutes it takes to get to the library/B&N. Books at my fingertips= amazing/scary at the same time. However, they have amazing sales. Some on books that I've never heard of, but am intrigued enough to buy and then I fall in love with them. I've gotten a few books for $5, one recently for 99cents. I am definitely one for bargains.
To sum it up: I love the Kindle. Yay Amazon.


On a completely unrelated note....

This girl is smart.

I Stand.....With Controversy (Planned Parenthood)

I Stand With Planned Parenthood.

I do....I really do. I am LDS. I am not liberal by any means. I don't agree with abortion.

But, my experience with Planned Parenthood has been nothing but positive. And it has nothing to do with abortion.

It has to do with compassion. Kindness. Love. Empathy. And, the best nurses/nurse practitioners I have ever had contact with. I am a Registered Nurse...And my professional opinion is, I think that Planned Parenthood does not get the credit that it deserves because of its' liberal stance on abortion.

I take birth control not because of intercourse, but because it helps regulate my cycle (sorry for the TMI, but I had to). Blue Cross Blue Shield's Co-pay for my BC= $50. Planned Parenthood's= $12. I understand the government funds the discount. But hey, I am giving more than enough to the government for taxes, and the amount they want to take away is nothing compared to what I pay as it is. Why not use their resources?

Every time I've been to Planned Parenthood (since I was 15 years old), I've had a wonderful experience compared to that of a private OB-GYN Practice. At a private practice, I'm ungratefully greeted with overworked receptionists/RNs/Doctors that are seeing you because seeing you equals their paycheck. They are rude, they aren't understanding of financial circumstances, they aren't willing to call you and tell you if an opening is available. Instead, it's "Our wait is 3 months. Sorry."....My response, "But wait....I'm going to college in August (what if I were having active intercourse?) . "Can't I get at least 3 months of Birth Control until then?" and..."Sorry, no.". Alright then, Planned Parenthood it is. They get paid nearly not enough for the care that they give to every single patient.

As for the LDS perspective, I don't agree with abortion. But...I know many Mormons that use birth control when they get married, even before, for health reasons. Can we agree that gynecology practices for low-income patients (as well as people like me who make money) deserve respect and receive exceptional gynecological care?! Where are you heads at? Love one another...Don't cast judgment, that's Christ's job.

Sign the petition. I usually don't do this nonsense...But this is worth it. Click here and help fund/just sign a petition to keep the majority of what Planned Parenthood stands for--- STD screenings, contraceptives, cervical cancer testing, and sexual education. THIS IS A MAJORITY OF WHAT THEY STAND FOR. SET ASIDE ABORTION, AND PUT INTO FOCUS REAL LIFE.. Please.

/end rant of what I stand for.

Life Can Be Pretty Sometimes...

So I had this night a few days back....

Where I cried a lot for no reason. I listened to jams from high school and reverted back to my teenaged emo-self, just for those couple of hours.

That was really stupid.

The listening to high school jams = not stupid. But everything else? Amy, what were you thinking...
I can cry. I'm allowed to cry, and boy do I cry with the best of them. But being emo? NOT allowed.
Thoughts running through my head ..."This sucks..I wish I could go back to being little again, why am I a grown up? I have no idea what I'm doing right now...."

I was told by a very smart person that a big sign of depression is wishing you could go back to the old days. I am living proof of that big sign. Whenever I get depressed, I stop living in the moment and start re-living in the past...Hence my blog a few nights back about my old blog from when I was 15 (which may or may not have been the night I'm referring to).

The past is nothing but a memory.
Like my last post's quote from "Cutting for Stone" (which yes Melanie, that book is absolutely amazing...I love everything about it!).........A memory is something important, proof that you're alive. I think that the ability to have memories is a privilege. That being said, it should be used with caution....It shouldn't be a crutch. Beautiful ones you can look back on fondly (but not dwell upon)...And Ugly ones you can learn from (but NOT dwell upon, either).
The dwelling upon?
I have trouble with that.

I am proud that I can admit my flaws, though.


Things got brighter when I saw the sun for once this morning....
I'm serious though. I'm aware that the sun has reared its' head in Manhattan the past 2 days, but I wasn't awake to enjoy it. I was sleeping, like the nocturnal being that I must be in order to make a living.
This morning, it was too bad that it plummeted a good 20+ degrees, but for me it was happiness. I was so happy to see that sun. Be it the Vitamin D, Seasonal Affective Disorder, or "Night Nurse Disorder" (my own coined term)...I needed that sun. I stopped on the street in my scrubs at 8:45am and took pictures. These were all taken on my 4 block walk from Grand Central Station to my apartment.
The Concrete Jungle is more bearable when there is light shining down on it.

Stopped here at the Chrysler Building and thought...Do I really live this close to the Chrysler Building? Do people even know what the Chrysler Building is?



Obviously everyone knows what this is..The Empire State Building peeking through..With the sun shining down on it. The only building not shadowed in this picture. And it's right next to my favorite public roof-top park. I live to read on the roof of 622 3rd Ave and people-watch sometimes. It's silly that it looks so small in this picture. That being said, it's ALL perspective!!!



In other news...
It's nice to know that someone really cares about me.

I know flowers aren't a tell-tale sign of being cared for..But I know that driving for one hour + a 4.5 hour red eye + a 45 minute taxi cab ride with a bouquet of flowers in your hand means a lot, right? (and it matches my blog theme oh, so well)

Memory.

"The hands of my clock turned elastic while I imprinted these feelings in memory.

You must remember this.

It was all I had, all I've ever had, the only currency, the only proof that I was alive.

Memory."



--from "Cutting for Stone" by Abraham Verghese