Come in with the Rain.

April 2008:

Evolve.
A change is coming.

I can't be afraid of what people say about me, or believe. Only I know the truth. I need to do this for myself. I need to stand up for what I believe is right, despite criticism. That is what the criticizers taught me after all. I'm coming back.


God, give me strength. ♥

Afterword: I wrote this April of 2008 in a journal I have on my computer but never really used. I found it today. It was a pivotal day in my life. I had been inactive for a while, and it was the day I decided to go back to church. No one pushed me but myself, and I was so excited. I look at that and get the chills everytime. I love it...Just wanted to share it : )

is there such thing?

Consensus is, I'm too nice.

I think if this were a few years ago, this would not be the case. I had "sass". But, I've found that you can be on people's good sides if you're nice all the time. So, I've become a nice robot. I love doing nice things for people. I love giving gifts just because, and writing people letters. I don't expect anything in return.
Today after having deep conversations with two friends, a conclusion was made that we all agreed on: I'm a pushover. Being nice is awesome, but there's a point where it can affect how people think of you as. There's such thing as "too nice". If you're too nice, people see you as a pushover. They can win you over, they can do whatever they want and you won't care.

Something's gotta change with this picture. How though?

flying kites.

I honestly don't remember ever flying a kite when I was little. I remember having one, just not the flying part.
I read the book "The Kite Runner" about 5 years ago. It was a beach-read, I remember really liking it though. I finally got around to watching the movie adaptation tonight. I was blown away by it. I think it's my favorite movie adaptation of all time, but this could be because I haven't read the book in so long so don't hold me to it. I don't have much patience for movies anymore and this was all in subtitles, but I just loved it. I love history, different cultures, crying. So this movie was for me. I very much recommend it.

This is a poem from the movie that I absolutely loved.

Who Are We In This Complicated World?

If we come to sleep,

We are His drowsy ones.

And if we come to wake

We are in His hands.

If we come to weeping,

We are His cloud full of raindrops.

And if we come to laughing,

We are His lightning in that moment.

If we come to anger and battle,

It is the reflection of His wrath.

And if we come to peace and pardon,

It is the reflection of His love.

Who are we in this complicated world?

Randoms.

I have 3 random orders of business.

First, I have a confession to make: I'm way too nice. So Friday night, I was making my way back to Wall Street at a super late hour (around 3am) on the subway. I think it's normal for girls to be pretty freaked out. Me? No way. Fearless is my middle name. A drunk guy stumbles and basically falls into the seat next to me, and apologizes while his "companion" is laughing uncontrollably. These guys are probably in their early 30's and gay. We bond; it's going to be a long train ride so why not? I don't think I've ever laughed so hard. We talked about lasik surgery, reading books, college, being businessmen in New York City, Brazil. We chatted for so long that they didn't realize they were on the wrong train until it was a little too late. When it was time for us to part, we exchanged numbers so that we could make sure each of us got back okay. First of all, who does that? Apparently me. I give my number to gay guys on the subway so they can check up on me and make sure I get home. Hey, they were nice so I felt like I should be too. However, this morning I get a text message mid-clinical from one of them. It reads: "Scooby Dooby Doo, Where are you. We got some work to do now." Should I be worried?

Second...My roommate comes in the apartment today to tell me she got attacked in a Wal Mart bathroom. Two fat black girls were fighting, blood all over in the bathroom. My roommate walks out of the stall and gets pummeled. Both girls ended up in the hospital, this is how bad the fight was, but my roommate walked out okay. Harrisburg Wal Mart is the scariest place on earth. I think I'm the only one who doesn't use food stamps there. One time, a lady came up to my roommate and I to tell us she just witnessed a shooting down the road and the killer was on the loose, so be careful. Great.

On a last note, I think I'm falling into Lady Gaga's spell. She makes me want to dance (AND she was born in Lenox Hill Hospital..I'm doing my internship in maternal-newborn there next semester!!! LHH: Where stars are born). There's a theory going around that Lady Gaga is a part of the Illuminati. Since I fall into her trance without a clue why, maybe they're right. HA. Read up little ones.

Split Screen Sadness.

I miss my best friend Lauren.
However, thanks to Skype we can pretend we're watching TV together at the same time. Miss your friends/family TV nights? Want that girls' night back that you lost thanks to your best friend living across the country? Fret no more!
Steps:
1) Sign up for netflix.
2) Pick a show to become addicted to (currently Moonlight); Each order your own discs.
3) Pick a time to meet on Skype, put in your headphones.
4)Press play at the same time.
5) Laugh, cry, and watch one another's reactions as if you were in the seat right next to them.

I now have something to look forward to in Hershey. Thank you Lauren Johnson, but no thank you for living so far away.

I just found out the book I'm reading, "A Prayer for Owen Meany" by John Irving, is actually the basis for the movie "Simon Birch". I'm on page 580, and this didn't click at all. Thanks Shay for that wake up call.

Growing Up.

Matthew. My TOUGH little brother.

My little brother Matt....Born November 4th, 1994. I was in 1st grade and I remember my Grandma coming all the way from England for the occasion. I was so excited for a little brother. A sister was a hassle and someone to fight with. Plus, I was now at the mature age of 6 and ready to handle big sister responsibilities.
I remember my brother pretending to be a hockey player and ruining all of his socks "skating" in our living room. The TV was always occupied when the Sabres were playing. Who picks a favorite hockey team at the age of 3? He was obsessed. My dad swore it was because it was the year the Rangers won the Stanley Cup. That little kid could skate like no one's business. He was my dad's pride and joy, his first and only son to play catch with, teach how to skate, and golf with. He was bleach blonde when he was little.


I don't ever remember us not getting along, besides me getting frustrated when he threw his temper tantrums. We had a "wrestling match" once when we were bored; I was 15. He won.

Matt, now you're 15. You're in highschool, you're almost 6 feet tall, and you tower over me. But, it's fitting because I look up to you. I am so proud of you and who you have become. You're SO smart, such a great hockey player, and you have so much going for you in life. Whenever I talk about you to my friends I have this huge smile on my face and brag about how cool of a brother I have. I am so lucky to have you as a "little" brother.



I love how the last two pictures show how the roles have reversed.

senioritis.

This year is hitting me hard.
Awesome, it's already November. But I have barely gotten by this semester. In fact, right now I'm putting off studying for an exam tomorrow. I was telling my roommates how I'm sick of learning about nursing. They said, "WELL I hope this isn't a problem, you'll be doing this the rest of your life!" Yeah, but I'll be practicing what I love. Not taking exams, dealing with instructors I don't like, etc. I've missed 2 clinicals which is bad news. I just don't have motivation.

This weekend I'm going to the City. It should be fun. I have a lot planned actually. Group lunch, a date (WHAT?!), run/walking a 5k, brunch, Hot Chocolate tasting party, lunch with two different people at two different times, birthday party.....Cannot wait.
And Ohio State's at Penn State this weekend...Cross your fingers for Penn State to DOMINATE.


The song "The Way I Loved You" by Taylor Swift has been in my head all night.