F.

I don't know if I belong here.

I'm having a bad day.

I got my keys to the apartment (forced to pay to make duplicates...isn't that their job), and was going to surprise Kevin with some decorations (Lady Gaga pictures, don't judge). I went in, and alas, there were 4 mattresses in my room. There was food in the fridge. Framed posters of bra and underwear-clad girls in the living room (too bad Kevin and I both like men). An air mattress, a microwave, a computer, trash. Please note that this apartment was supposed to be cleaned and repainted upon our arrival September 1st, tomorrow.

I lugged all of my stuff tons of stuff on the subway, and walked tons of blocks just to get to this place. I was so excited to get some of my things in there. I left them in a closet with a note saying, "Amy's Stuff...I'm moving in tomorrow, I swear I didn't break into your apartment, I have keys, please don't throw away!" Good job Amy.

Oh, did I mention it was 95 degrees today?

I feel like crying.

Last night, I went to a YSA event. It mostly consisted of me standing in a corner, eating two hot dogs and a burger all by myself. Yesterday, I found out that one girl from church defriended me from facebook. Today, I found out yet another did. Three other girls have in the past. Honestly, it just makes me sad. A lot of girls around here are clique-y. That is NOT me... I hate it. Since Lauren has left, I have no girl friends to my name in NYC.

I had to decline my first job offer because my RN License STILL hasn't transferred from Pennsylvania to New York. I called the NY Board of Nursing, they said "Sorry, we're 6 weeks behind in opening mail. Call back soon." Thank you, New York Board of Nursing. You ROCK.

More later.

Old Lady.

I bought my first mattress today.

And, I declined my first full-time job offer (long story).

I'm getting ready to move into an apartment with my best friend, just upon realizing that we have no furniture (but I have a mattress!!) and we're doing it completely on our own.

What an "I feel like a grown-up" day.

Hitting the real world, hard.

YeSSSSSSssss.

pretty odd.

I enjoy this picture.

And. I look so little.

4 years ago.

This is my second post of the day. Bear with me, someone's lonely, and it sure is me.

Four years ago, I met my freshman roommate whom I haven't talked to since December 2006 for reasons that will not be mentioned. We loved eachother at first sight. We met another girl a few doors down named Lynn and we instantly became "best friends". We felt cool because we got invited to a frat party and a lacrosse party the first two nights. We all went, three 18 year old girls who didn't know what the next 4 years would have in store for us.

Farewell, freshmen year. August of 2006.

I attended my first semester at Penn State and aced all of my classes. I'm pretty sure it was the only semester that I read all of my books. Thankfully, because I got into nursing school February 2007 based solely upon my first semester's GPA.
I lived in Ritner Hall, 703. An all girls dorm in Pollock. I was one out of 11,000 freshmen.

It's hard to believe that 4 years ago, I was in my first year of college. Fresh out of high school, still a teenager. Young, naive. Having fun. Not even thinking about where I'd be now.
To be honest, I always thought I'd find the man of my dreams in college.

Unrealistically (looking back now), I figured I'd be ready to be married at the age of 22, and settle down wherever my "future husband" would be going to. I couldn't have been more wrong with my assumptions. It honestly never even crossed my mind that I'd be in New York City. Single (Okay, not married I mean).

Wow. 4 years ago. Bittersweet. The reminiscing started when my still-undergrad friends posted about "syllabus week". It hit me, I'm not there. I'm not taking classes. I was finishing my last class/clinical ever 3 months ago. I've come so far. Not giving up, yet :)


P.S. Do I look any older now as compared to this picture? Be honest.

Boyfriend, Part 2.

Due to multiple requests:

Meet J.
(*See the disclaimer at bottom as to why I'm calling him that)

(A side view is more mysterious, right?)

We've been "dating" for a month and a half.
He's 6'4 and from Utah....He just moved back for a month indefinitely.
I'm way happy when I'm with him.

*Disclaimer: And that's all I'm going to tell you for now....Because last summer, I got my heart broken by a guy I met here. I don't want to jynx myself. I don't want to be vulnerable. Let's just say this guy is someone I want to keep around.

Boyfriend.

So I have a boyfriend now.
Weird/crazy/I like it.

He's cute.

The end.


City Love- John Mayer.

oh, Mathilda Savitch.

I loved this book by Victor Lodato (his first). So poetic and beautiful.

Mathilda is such a cute character, in her earliest of teens. So innocent, so clever. So many feelings. So much to think about. I don't think I'll ever forget Mathilda. She's captured my heart.

Just a quick synopsis (without giving away any spoilers): Mathilda's older sister died a year ago in a freak accident, leaving Mathilda the only child left in a family grief-stricken. All Mathilda wants is to find a way to "shock" her parents back to life. She wants attention. But most of all, she needs to find answers to help heal her own heart.

Naturally, I have bookmarked some of my favorite quotes from the novel. Read. Enjoy. Then read the book.

"...the weather made me feel like I was in my own private world... The sun was so far away it was practically sending a letter."

"Who knows what's under a house. The house you live in is only a recent development in the history of the world. Before it was a house it could have been a jungle or a desert. A million years ago it might have been the middle of the ocean. You don't know. You only know the here and now. The rest you have to imagine."

"How do things happen? How does your life happen? Most of the time it goes too slow, and sometimes it even goes backwards. But then one day you get shot into the future and then there you are, stuck in the middle of it. It should be like water, the future, but it's actually like mud. You sort of just sink into it."

"...Except Louis is blind from love. When you're in love, you're not too surprised when you lose everything. You're always sort of expecting it."

"A person's heart is a disgusting thing. You almost can't look at it."

"...[He] told me I shouldn't think about things like this. I shouldn't think about the very end or the death of my mother and father eor not having enough air to breathe. Dark thoughts, he called them. But he wouldn't know a dark thought if it bit him on the butt....It's a different time now...I've seen a lot of things. All of us have...We're different. We're not you.But watch me, okay? That's all I'm asking. Please watch me.
Because nobody knows what's coming.....The future is the biggest secret of all, and really, what's the rush?..."

Real World.

No, not the TV show. Although I auditioned for that, met with the casting directors and never got a call back.

This is real life.

I am a grown up. I am a Registered Nurse. I've graduated, passed the dreaded boards (I was blessed with all 265 questions...Sarcasm). I have a license, so that means if I were to kill someone, I'd be legally liable. Craziness.

I've decided I love Labor and Delivery. It's funny. One time at a random church dance, a man came up to me and asked what my profession was going to be. I said I was in nursing, and this man goes "I just know it, you'll be an L & D nurse. Mark my words." I told him no way. I had no interest. Now, I almost cry everytime I see a woman deliver a child. I have even considered doing it naturally, even though I had sworn I will only do a c-section. Planned. But it's so beautiful. So, so beautiful.

Anyway, more updates later. Life is good.